The Timing of a Divorce - the real answer

How to know is someone really wants a divorce

When a person wants a divorce, they race to a lawyer's office immediately after the 'incident' which provokes the desire.

Last week they were Mr & Mrs and today one (or both) want out.

If 'something happened'; i.e. beating, adultery, some event the other can't and won't put up with, then one (or both) will be a lawyer's office, ready, willing and able to get all fees and documents as soon as possible.

When a person wants a divorce, they race to a lawyer's office immediately after the 'incident' which provokes the desire.

Last week they were Mr & Mrs and today one (or both) want out.

If 'something happened'; i.e. beating, adultery, some event the other can't and won't put up with, then one (or both) will be at a  lawyer's office, ready, willing and able to get all fees and documents as soon as possible.

The person who wants a divorce will hand over everything and then begin a weekly check up.  "Is it Ready Yet?"

When a person doesn't want a divorce he or she will make no effort to end the marriage.  The parties may separate, but neither is that interested in severing ties.  They have met someone during this separation but aren't all that interested in getting married again, so remain married on paper.

In these cases, the Outsider should appreciate that the relationship engaged in with one of the spouses isn't all that important or serious.   If it was, then effort would be made, without nagging and prompting.

For example, H & W separated about ten years ago.  Neither has made any move for a divorce. They have a cordial relationship.  H is now seeing O.  He has sex with O.  O gets pregnant. O has a baby. He is still married, on paper to W.  O starts to nag about a divorce. 

Now it ought be clear to O, and to anyone in O's position that H does not want to marry her.  He doesn't love her, and whatever role she plays in his life, (i.e. she's got Money or position) it is not Wife. 

To 'force' H to get a divorce and marry her is unwise.  It is clear he is taking what she can give him but doesn't want to marry her.  Any marriage between them is senseless because at some point he is not going to be able to go along with the charade.  At some point she will realise she is a bank account or a facilitator and does not share his life and certainly not his love.

He will stay as long as he is getting something or has no choice.

 The day he has a choice, he'll be gone.

If you are involved with someone who is married to someone else, end the relationship.  If the person really wants you s/he will get the divorce and marry you.  If s/he shrugs and moves on, you've just prevented future heartbreak.


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